my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
