I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
