im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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