She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize