I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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