after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
