I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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