My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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