I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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