I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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