I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
