A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
