Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
