i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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