Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I checked into jail on foursquare
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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