You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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