It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
