i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
