Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
