I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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