I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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