I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
