Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
COCAINE IS GR8
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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