Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
