How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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