Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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