i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
