Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
