youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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