rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
