I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
