I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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