grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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