he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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