I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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