Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
