Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
