bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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