Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
