I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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