i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
