I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
