Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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