Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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