I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
