I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Terrible idea I love it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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