I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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