im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
