mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
