At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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