My brain says no but my pants say off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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