So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
