my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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