you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize