You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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