her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
