No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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