At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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