I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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