You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
