I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
