Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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