Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
